I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
