she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
