You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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