This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize