So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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