I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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