I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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