Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
