im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
