Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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