Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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