it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I will pee on everything he values.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
