i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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