i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
