My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
