The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
