Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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