Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
