I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is my gift to your gina
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
