we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
