New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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