Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
