yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
