wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
