Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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