watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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