Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
