I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
