So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My liver just had a heart attack.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
