Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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