"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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