I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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