Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
