i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
