I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
