My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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