fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
