i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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