Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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