Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
