i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
