OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
