Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
