i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
