i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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