I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
