I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
