Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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