I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
