you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize