I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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