It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
