Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
