I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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