Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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