We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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