i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
