Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
