I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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