Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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