I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
