Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
