Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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