Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
