I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You are the jesus of drinking
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
