I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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