its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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