I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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