roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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