if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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