Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
