How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
