uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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