Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
