I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
