Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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