my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
